Position Available - Elite Tennis Parent.
I have just seen this from tennis.com and thought that someone out there may find it funny..I certainly did, especially the crummy performance bit!
JOB DESCRIPTION:
—Positive team player needed for 168-hour-per-week position.
—Candidate must possess a universal desire to be screamed at, talked down to, and be willing to be hated 5-6 days a week.
—Successful applicant must have an uncanny sense of Buddha-like calmness in an often psychotic, stressful, chaotic environment.
—Candidate must be willing to work early mornings, late evenings, and most weekends.
—Candidate must be willing to forget about their own personal interests, workout routines, sports, and hobbies.
—Candidate must not expect vacation due to year-round tournament obligations.
—Successful applicant should plan on missing traditional family holidays due to Thanksgiving Nationals, Winter Super Nationals, Spring Break/Easter Bowl, Labor Day, and Memorial Day events.
REQUIREMENTS:
—HR Skills: Interviewing, hiring and firing tennis coaches, trainers, hitters, and off-court specialists…with the enthusiasm of Donald Trump.
—Accounting/Banking Skills: Possess an extremely thick check book and be willing and able to max out all major credit cards.
—Designated Driver: Must be willing to put 100,000 miles on family car and enjoy most meals behind the wheel.
—Understanding and Patience: Be willing and able to except that your child will occasionally forget everything they were taught during the last $5,000 worth of lessons.
—Scheduling Manager: World-class juggling skills to organize ever-changing schedules of booking practice courts, times and logistics, hired hitters, practice partners, lessons, and events.
—Booking Agent: Flexibility to book last-minute airlines, cars, and hotels.
—VIP/24-hour Courier Service: Laundry runs, racquet re-stringing, drug store pharmaceuticals pickup and delivery service, bed-time psychology sessions.
—Fashion Coordinator/Personal Shopper: Purchasing only the latest shoes and matching clothes.
—Maintenance Knowledge: General maintenance of equipment, for racquet re-gripping, and clothing malfunctions, for zipper repairs.
—Parental Intuition: Must have uncanny ability to become expendable and invisible in a moment’s notice, then bright-eyed and happy to help two minutes later.
—Match Performance Review: Must be willing to evaluate a crummy performance by first pointing out 50 positive observations
WAGES AND EXPENSES:
There is no pay for this position. All the work- and travel-related expenses will not be reimbursed.
JOB BENEFITS:
The children of successful applicants will cultivate the following life lessons:
1. Time-management skills
2. Adaptability and flexibility skills
3. Ability to handle adversity
4. Ability to handle stress
5. Courage
6. A positive work ethic
7. Perseverance
8. Setting priorities
9. Goal-setting
10. Sticking to commitments
11. Determination
12. Problem-solving skills
13. Spotting patterns and tendencies
14. Discipline
15. The understanding of fair play and sportsmanship
16. The development of focus
17. Persistence
18. The importance of preparation
19. Dedication and self-control
20. Positive self-image
“There is only one “most talented” athlete and every parent has it.”